{"id":472,"date":"2015-09-15T16:33:16","date_gmt":"2015-09-15T16:33:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/?p=472"},"modified":"2015-09-15T16:33:16","modified_gmt":"2015-09-15T16:33:16","slug":"kim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/?p=472","title":{"rendered":"Kim"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"1910588_1109423848590_5474835_n\"<\/a>For the first 40 years of my life, I had a sister. \u00a0Six years ago, in the earliest hours of a Tuesday morning, all that changed. \u00a0She lost her battle with breast cancer and I became an only child. \u00a0At the time, I grieved – but, not so much for myself. \u00a0I grieved for her children who had lost their Mom too soon. \u00a0I grieved for her husband who had been present since the time of her diagnosis.\"1910588_1109423648585_7924260_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And, mostly, I grieved for my parents who suffered the most unholy pain, the loss of their firstborn.<\/p>\n

\"10399695_1182748361657_4308104_n\"<\/a><\/p>\n

We were “as different as night and day,” and she would definitely have been “night”. \u00a0I often described her as a Dr. Pepper kid in a Coca Cola family. \u00a0Literally. \u00a0I was the one doing my homework and going to bed early, she was the one staying up late and sneaking out to meet friends. \u00a0Kim did stuff that never even occurred to me! \u00a0I was younger and in awe of her defiance and bravery. \u00a0And, when she got caught… Whew! \u00a0Even more so. \u00a0 Our Mom says she paved every road for me and this is true. \u00a0I did my “younger sister” job so well — I annoyed her and tested her and tagged along with her and her friends. \u00a0She was one of the last to get a hardship driver’s license before the law changed and it became harder to qualify. \u00a0She was a freshman in high school. \u00a0I can only imagine the injustice she felt having to drag me out to lunch once I got to high school a short 6 months later with “her” friends. \u00a0She drove me back and forth to school and then to tennis practice. \u00a0She was smothered and aggravated by the responsibility of me. \u00a0I knew it, but until I got my own wheels, we endured it. \u00a0As sisters, we were very close at times, and then there were times I didn’t know where she was, emotionally or physically. \u00a0I still have the last email she ever wrote me. \u00a0I haven’t read it in a very long time, but I keep it because it’s one of the few things I have of hers. \u00a0She was mad at me. \u00a0She was tired of doctor visits and tired of chemo and radiation. \u00a0She was tired of not being well and felt unsupported by me. \u00a0This was where I failed her. \u00a0I didn’t have the skills to support her in the way she needed and she didn’t understand that I supported her and loved her in her journey. \u00a0Every. Single. Step. \u00a0I remember taking her to a number of doctor visits. \u00a0In between the exam room times, we would laugh and talk. \u00a0She could make me laugh like I have never before or since. \u00a0One particular doctor was in the Metroplex and we were driving from west Texas. \u00a0Out and back in one day, it was a LONG day. \u00a0We met up and she was late, much later than our agreed time. \u00a0She was carrying a Sonic bag and a big Coke…maybe it was a Dr. Pepper. \u00a0I don’t know. \u00a0Anyway, there was just barely time to get there with a quick stop – I’m thinking for lunch. \u00a0She wanted to stop by the Harley Davidson shop to look around<\/em>…so, we did and if you know me, this proves how much I love her because I just don’t skip meals. \u00a0What I do remember about that trip was the drive home. \u00a0We had one of our laughing marathons and I laughed so hard I was crying and trying not to drive off into the bar ditch. \u00a0I am so grateful for that time with her. \u00a0One thing that continues to surprise me is how jealous I am. \u00a0When friends of mine post pictures on Facebook or Instagram of “Sister’s Day” or my Mom and her sisters take a “Sister Trip” I feel that nasty pang of envy. \u00a0I want MY sister. \u00a0I want to take new pictures and share new laughs and go places with her. \u00a0I want to call her with a memory only she and I share.\"329426_3857257342710_752726725_o\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I want to ask her about some small detail that eludes me that she could always recall. \u00a0I cannot change this reality so, I focus on the old pictures, the happy memories and send of prayer of thanks for the years when I did have a sister looking out for me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

She loved sweet tea, Thanksgiving (which she referred to as “Christmas without the crap”), being a nurse and her kids. \u00a0My goodness, she LOVED her kids. \u00a0She claimed to not be a “dog person” but she was kind to all my animals and took in strays, of both the canine and feline variety, regularly. \u00a0If you were ever in a street fight, you would most definitely want her on your side. \u00a0I made better grades but she told me once, well after we were grown, that her IQ was higher than mine. \u00a0I believe it, too.<\/p>\n

We have a wedding approaching. \u00a0Kim’s oldest will marry a wonderful man next month. \u00a0I’m grieving now. \u00a0I have grieved her at Thanksgiving’s and Christmas’s and birthdays and graduations, but I wish she were here to celebrate this with her daughter. \u00a0With me. \u00a0With this family that would not exist were it not for her.<\/p>\n

She knew how to be brave. \u00a0I saw it. \u00a0I will honor her and be brave, too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the first 40 years of my life, I had a sister. \u00a0Six years ago, in the earliest hours of a Tuesday morning, all that changed. \u00a0She lost her battle with breast cancer and I became an only child. \u00a0At the time, I grieved – but, not so much for myself. \u00a0I grieved for her […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/472","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=472"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/472\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":480,"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/472\/revisions\/480"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.downdogsaltydog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}